So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
