I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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