why do cheetos always look like penises
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
