My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
