maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
