I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
