never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
