Your dad touched me again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
