You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
