He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
