Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
