I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
