and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
