I CAN MOONWALK!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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