Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
