i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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