Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
