Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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