there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
