Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
