My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When are your genitals available?
I love you. Go after that dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
