Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My liver just broke up with me...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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