so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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