I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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