Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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