I love black thongs
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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