I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
