she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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