I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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