I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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