That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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