1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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