im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
