Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
