I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
