why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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