dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
