those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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