Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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