My room smells like vodka and shame
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
