I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
