Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
