We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
