One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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