He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
