Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
