I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
