I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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