Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
