Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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