She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
