I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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