honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
