i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
