I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
