THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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