I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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